ABSCOND, v.i. To “move in a mysterious way,” commonly with the property of another. ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who haveRead More →

FRIENDSHIP. The name of the handle some people put on other people for the purpose of using them.
HARD JOB. Trying to live without working.
VERSATILITY. The ability of a woman to wear a tight shoe and a loose smile at the same time.
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IMPECUNIOUS = To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. in, and Lat. pecco, to sin, poverty being the greatest of all sins. NEIGHBOR = One who knows more about your affairs than yourself.Read More →

AUTO “DENTIST”, n. One who repairs dents, hail damage, and other types of minor damage on automobiles. [“dentist” to mean “one who repairs dents.”] BAGGRAVATION, n. A feeling of annoyance and anger one endures at the airport when his bags have not arrived at the baggage carousel but everyone else’sRead More →

  RESOLUTION = A fragile bit of crockery fashioned on the first day of January and usually broken on the second. SAILOR = A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore. SELF-MADE = Complimentary term for a respectable crook. SHIRT = Every man’s bosomRead More →

IMPECUNIOUS = To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. in, and Lat. pecco, to sin, poverty being the greatest of all sins. INCOME = The reliable offspring of a wise investment. From Lat. in and coma, meaning sleep. Money which works while you sleep. LOVE = A man’sRead More →

RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. REVELATION, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing. REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude ofRead More →

ADVICE = Something old men give young men when they can no longer give them a bad example. AFFINITY = Complimentary term for your husband or your wife. Sometimes a synonym for “Your finish.” ARGUMENT = Breaking and entering the ear, assault and battery on the brain and disturbing theRead More →